Fatherhood

Note: It is not my usual MO to engage in speculative theological discussion, but I wanted to get my thoughts out on this one. They are still rough thoughts...just percolating right now after reading an article tonight.

The topic of Heavenly Mother is a tender one for many women. After all, if motherhood is so critical in God's plan for His children, why do we not hear more about Her role?

I have to confess that although I understand this longing, I share the feelings of Patricia Holland who wrote,

"I have never questioned why our mother in heaven seems veiled to us, for I believe the Lord has his reasons for revealing as little as he has on that subject."

I hear some of my sisters decrying such an attitude, as though not questioning, not demanding more knowledge from and through our leaders, is wrong -- that it is somehow holding us back.

I confess that I do not share this belief, either. There is something about clamoring for more knowledge about Her that has never felt right to me.

Now it's very possible that I am wrong about this, that perhaps people like me are holding back some marvelous revelation. But I also believe what Sister Holland said:

"I believe we know much more about our eternal nature than we think we do; and it is our sacred obligation to express our knowledge, to teach it to our young sisters and daughters, and in so doing to strengthen their faith and help them through the counterfeit confusions of these difficult latter days."

You can read more about what she means by scriptural patterns. I have taken this challenge to heart. For example, I read the Book of Mormon twice, all the way through, looking ONLY for patterns that related to or included women. I took a colored pencil to my scriptures and found something on nearly every page (if not every page) of that holy book.

It will be hard to convince me that we as women are somehow deprived or mistreated or ignored or disrespected by not hearing more. Do we have to work for insight? Absolutely. But I wouldn't expect otherwise from a God who commands us to ask, seek, and knock. The more I seek, the more I find that fills my soul with joy and excitement and conviction about His holy work and how critical, valued, and known women are to God and our Savior.

Tonight, another layer to my thoughts was triggered by an article my friend sent me. This article left me feeling even more strongly that perhaps there could be significant, divine reasons for what we do and do not know and focus on in our doctrinal discourse.

I'm going to switch around the order of a couple of comments in the article for emphasis.

"Jim Sheridan—director of the academy-award-winning “In the Name of the Father”—once stated, “'If you want to destroy a society, remove the fathers.'”

My kids and I have become fans of a few movies created by Sherwood Pictures, a movie-making arm of a Christian congregation in Georgia. One of these films, called Courageous, addresses head-on the societal problem of fatherlessness (and, more importantly, the doctrinal significance of noble, righteous fatherhood to Christians). Another article (a review of the movie that I just grabbed off of Google) summarizes some of those problems:

“Children living without their biological fathers, on average, are more likely to be poor and to have educational, health, emotional and psychological problems, to suffer child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior, than peers living with their married, biological mother and father.
“Fatherless homes produce: 63 percent of youth suicides (Bureau of the Census); 90 percent of all homeless and runaway children (Center for Disease Control); and 85 percent of all children with behavioral disorders (CDC). In a recent survey 7 out of 10 participants agreed that the physical absence of fathers from the home is the most significant family or social problem facing America.”

But then, Kelly O'Connell takes that discussion of the cost of fatherlessness in our society (note that he has boatloads of other stats to mull over) and connects it with the doctrine of the Godhead, which for me was one of those aha kinds of connections (almost in a face palm, "of course!" sort of a way).

"From a purely secular standpoint, the health of a society can be measured by the vitality of fatherhood, according to relevant statistics. More importantly, the health of a society can be best measured from its ability to grasp the concept of God, the Father. For example, a society which merely accepts the God concept without differentiating between the elements of the Trinity is devolving towards paganism....

"[I]f one views the Father as an essential element of the Christian godhead—as Christ apparently did when he delivered the Lord’s Prayer: Our Father Who Art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name…(Matthew 6:9-13)—then to attack Fatherhood is to reject God."

I think the combination of the connection I felt with the movie Courageous (it's presents a Christian version of the Proclamation on the Family) and the focus in the new youth curriculum on the doctrine of the Godhead made this article stick out to me. Oh, how we need good fathers in our world! And oh, how we need more knowledge of our Eternal Father, and His Son and the role of the Spirit in helping us orient toward Home. And of course, what better way to have men understand fatherhood than to understand their eternal Father.

This video also seems very relevant. And timely.



This video is a perfect example of what I mean. I have heard people clamoring for a parallel video that is about earthly motherhood and Heavenly Mother. Again, while I sympathize with the desire, it doesn't feel right to me. I believe our prophets are inspired. I think we need to focus on the Godhead for a reason. I believe our Father's plan put Christ at the center for a reason. I believe Christ then pointed back to Father for a reason.

And of course this is my own personal opinion, but I cannot believe that our Mother is somewhere out there clamoring for anything different than that.

I have more thoughts on this topic, but that's all for now.

Book of Remembrance and Lego Robots

Tonight, the kids and I went through the book of remembrance that my mom put together of the early years of my life. Some of you may be old enough to remember the long size of papers that family history records used to be kept on. My book of remembrance is that long length, with yellowing rubber cement and old photo corners to boot. I may switch it over someday, but there is something rather endearing to me to have the record in the original book, with my mom's handwriting and all.

I'm grateful that my mom took the time to record some of the early milestones of my life and organized some photos from my childhood. I also have my baby blessing and confirmation blessings typed up (some of you are old enough to remember when it was ok to record such blessings). I also have school photos from elementary school, and a report card from the first grade. (My daughter got a kick out of the fact that it said "pupil" progress report, rather than "student."

The girls decided they wanted to do Lego Robots as well. I'd ordered some more blocks (we cheat and use an off-brand because I'm cheap) and so we dumped out all that we had and started at it.

I kept whispering, "The battery compartment is the most important part" to the point that it became a joke. But it is, you see. I couldn't remember exactly how my sister and I would make our robots, but I do remember the battery compartment, and the box we made for extra batteries.

It took longer than I thought it would to try to recreate my Lego robot. I couldn't remember what I had done for the face (all I could really remember was how important the battery compartment was!). My girls made their own adaptations: extra fuel chambers in the arms and an attachable battery box and remote control on one, and buttons (one for flying and one that will make it burst into flames) and voice activation sensors on the other. (We are still not sure why one of the buttons would allow the robot to burst into flames, but there you go.) Apparently, the battery box on #2's project will have a hinged lid. Bedtime is seriously being threatened however, so we will see if she actually is able to finish all of her advanced adaptations.

I had considered also playing some of the 80s music that I used to listen to all the time, but tonight, it was Jericho Road, one of the girls' favorite new CDs.

Pictures to come....

Born Brave Giveaway

Who is hoping for a Katherine Nelson CD? I have two copies that I'm excited to share. If you haven't had the chance to read a little about her, you can read the post I wrote a couple of days ago. http://michelle-dot-el.blogspot.com/2012/08/born-brave.html
I am not naturally a country-western-style kind of gal (which is the style of a lot of Katherine's music), so I'm not sure I would have picked up this CD on my own. As such, I was very grateful I had the chance to review this CD (thanks to yourLDSradio).

Once again, I leaned on my daughter for input (the one whose spirit resonates with music perhaps more than almost anything else). We agreed that her title song, "Born" was the favorite of the mix, although the more I study the lyrics of others, the more apt I am to have more than one favorite.

Katherine's songs speak to strength, courage, love, and resilience, unafraid to address pain and struggle, and unflinching in celebrating our inherent worth.
I've visited her blog (http://www.katherinenelson.com/blog/) and she's got some fun posts that give more insight into her personality and music and thoughts and life. (Tidbit: She likes hand-me-downs and thrift stores. My kind of woman.) She also has a spot where people can share their "Born Brave" moments. (http://www.katherinenelson.com/2012/08/22/what-was-your-most-recent-born-brave-moment/)

But all in all, besides her Emma post, I think the following video captures best why I'm now a fan of Katherine Nelson. She shares what she wrote on the inside jacket of the CD. I, too, believe that "When we strengthen women, we strengthen the world." And I love it when women use their talents to try to do just that. Thanks, Katherine!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hz0S604aXaE&feature=results_video

OK, now for the giveaway. There are FIVE ways to enter this time.

1. Share the link to Katherine's video about strengthening women, either on your blog or your FB page. Remember, be sure to leave me a comment here so I know you have done it. I only put entries in from comments here (gotta draw a line somewhere and gotta keep things simple for myself, even though I know it's more work for you). Something as simple as 'Video' would be fine.

2. Share a "Born Brave" moment from your life (or from the life of someone you admire) on Katherine's blog (http://www.katherinenelson.com/2012/08/22/what-was-your-most-recent-born-brave-moment/). Be sure to let me know you've done it. A shorthand comment would work, but on this one, I'd love it if you just share the text of the comment here, too, so that we can be inspired. :)

3. LIKE Katherine's page. https://www.facebook.com/katherinenelsonmusic Leave a comment here letting me know you did it. "Liked" would be sufficient. :)

4. Share a link to Katherine's "Coming to Know Emma" post at Women in the Scriptures. If you haven't read it yet, do it. It's worth a few minutes.) And, you guessed it, leave a comment here letting me know you did it. "Emma link" is sufficient.

5. Like yourLDSradio on Facebook and comment here with something that says YourLDSRadio in the comment. (If you already liked them at a previous time, just let me know.)

*Did I mention not to forget to leave a comment here on every thing you have done?* Ahem.

Have fun. I'll do the drawing tomorrow (Thursday) at midnight. Ready. Set. Go!

Born Brave

I have a print from a painting in my family room called Las Meninas by Velázquez. It's a painting my husband and I saw while on our honeymoon. It's not the kind of painting that I would have necessarily gravitated toward naturally, but when we went on the tour of the Museo del Prado and learned more about the painter and the painting, we fell in love with the piece and knew we wanted a print for our home.

I was reminded of this experience as I decided to "get to know" Katherine Nelson a little better. I was given two of her CDs to give away, but truth be told, I've never been a fan of giveaways for the sake of Disbursing Free Stuff. But I also appreciate the blessing that uplifting art, music, and writing can be, so I decided to give it a whirl.

And Katherine has given me much to think about. She's inspired me.

For example, consider the following post. Katherine was the woman who played Emma in the film "Joseph Smith, Prophet of the Restoration" which was produced by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, as well as the film, "Emma Smith, My Story." Katherine never fancied herself an actress, and her account of being chosen for this role, basically out of the blue, is breathtaking. I was moved to tears reading it. There's so much to ponder here, so much about the power of womanhood, of faith, of trusting God, of letting life teach you, of leaning on the Atonement of Jesus Christ.


p.s. This video is very moving. I think Katherine sang this at her album debut concert with the Nashville Tribute Band this weekend.

Giving Hope to Single Parents

I've always had a soft spot in my heart for charity work, but have struggled mightily because there is always so much need out there, and my ability to give has its limits. So I will often end up choosing how and where to give based on a more personal element...trying to match my giving with organizations whose missions and approaches are consistent with my own passions and interests.

Recently, I found out about a fundraising effort that combines several things about which I'm passionate: helping women and children, education and self-reliance, addressing defined needs in a defined way, networking among organizations to accomplish good, and using social media to spread the word.

Several LDS bloggers have come together to help LDS Philanthropies and LDS Business College provide full-tuition scholarships for single parents (mostly moms). The very effective program enables a single parent to focus on schooling for two years (tuition and books are covered). Upon graduation, the individuals have specific skills they can use immediately in the work force.

I've listened to and read the stories of women (e.g., see here and here) who have gone through this program and there are common threads in what they say -- they found hope and confidence to face their situations with faith, as well as increased ability to take care of their children. They found an environment that fostered spiritual growth as well as professional preparation. They found personal support in a small school that has a unique and focused mission.

This is a cause I'm passionate about. I would love to help them get past $10,000 by the end of the month. [Update -- we hit that goal earlier today...but we still want to keep helping!] Will you help spread the word? You can find widgets for the fundraising campaign to put on your own blog.

Wisdom and Order

And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order. -Mosiah 4:27

Wisdom and order. I've been thinking a lot over the past months about those words. Those of us familiar with this Book of Mormon scripture often define "wisdom and order" with the other well-known phrase, of simply not running faster than we have strength. But I've been turning it around my mind: That a key to not running faster than I have strength is perhaps found in those two words: wisdom and order. (And about being diligent in being wise and ordered.)

Here are some of the things I've been thinking about in that regard.

Wisdom = Not just having knowledge, but living it.

What knowledge can guide us in not running faster than having strength?

Order.

Order means many things, but my thoughts about it in this context, or perhaps in the context of my life and what I need to focus on, is deliberate, prioritized living.

At the Women in Business Conference I mentioned in my previous post, this was the focus of one of the talks given that has lingered with me. In fact, personally, it's about the only message that really lingered with me. (I am so grateful to have been able to be part of a conference where that kind of foundational, perspective-giving message was a kickoff keynote. Truly, I think these principles ARE the key to professional or any other success.)

I think this quote from Elder Neal A. Maxwell sums her thoughts up well (since I don't currently have a link to her talk -- that should change soon!)

Thus, the Lord has given us what might be called the “wisdom and order” and “strength and means” tests. Unwisely, we often write checks against our time accounts as we never would dare do, comparably, against our bank accounts. Sometimes we make so many commitments that they become like the vines in the allegory of Jacob, threatening to “overcome the roots,” including the “roots” of family relationships, friendships, and relationships with God.

How often do I run around frenetically, too busy, not spending enough time on the things of the most value? (That is something else that was discussed at the conference -- we know what we value, but we often don't put our time with those things we value most.)

More from Elder Maxwell:

After one of the Brethren made a report to President Brigham Young, he was anxious to leave so as not to impose. But President Young said, “Please sit a spell with me. I am weary of men and things.” How often do we “sit a spell” with spouse, children, colleagues, or friends? Unhurried time seems to be worth more than the same amount of time spent hectically....

[A]s far as I can see, Jesus was never hectically involved. This is all the more marvelous when we realize that so much of His mortal messiahship was crowded into only three very busy years....

We can all try to watch out for Martha-like anxiety, which is genderless. It can also deprive us of special experiences if we are too “cumbered about much serving.” Conscientiousness is not an automatic guarantee that we will choose the “good part” which will not be “taken away” from us (Luke 10:38–42).

And one more from Elder Maxwell:

The scriptural advice, “Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength” (D&C 10:4) suggests paced progress, much as God used seven creative periods in preparing man and this earth. There is a difference, therefore, between being “anxiously engaged” and being over-anxious and thus underengaged.

It's so easy in this world measured by time to be driven by the perceived lack of it, when perhaps the solution is simply to put into practice what the prophets talk about so often. Put first things first -- God and family. No success can compensate if we don't succeed in the home. Put another way, nothing else matters if priorities aren't in place.

For me, as a mom trying to figure out how to send fewer shallow shoots off in my life and dig my roots deeper, this piece really resonated with me. She, too, explores the notion of being "properly ordered."

For the wife and mother, no matter how talented and accomplished she is academically and professionally, her value in the world of work will never be as great as her value in the home. No one is indispensable in professional life — no matter how brilliant. Wives and mothers, like husbands and fathers, are irreplaceable when it comes to their children and family life. It also helps to recognize that our talents are properly ordered only when directed back to God.

Where I might disagree a bit with her is in her title -- I think the wisdom she shares goes beyond just being applicable to stay-at-home moms. It's possible for a SAHM to not be properly ordered, and it's possible for a mom who's also in the workplace to have her life in proper order. I think Sister Julie Beck sums it up well:

One of the questions that I get frequently is, “Is it okay if I work outside of my home or I don’t work outside of my home?” You have to know that as an international, global, Relief Society president, that question isn’t always appropriate in all of the world’s countries. There are many, many places where if our women don’t work, they don’t eat. So of course they have to work. The question of whether or not to work is the wrong question. The question is, “Am I aligned with the Lord’s vision of me and what He needs me to become, and the roles and responsibilities He gave me in heaven that are not negotiable? Am I aligned with that, or am I trying to escape my duties?” Those are the kinds of things we need to understand. Our Heavenly Father loves His daughters, and because He loves us and the reward at the end is so glorious, we do not get a pass from the responsibilities we were given. We cannot give them away. They are our sacred duties and we fulfill them under covenant.

But that really is the key. How often am I really letting myself be led by the Spirit -- even each day -- in my priorities and choices? How often do I let myself "escape" in my day-to-day when I should be more present?

Wisdom and order. These are principles I have felt the Spirit nudging me about a lot. The trick now is to live more consistently according to the knowledge I feel God is giving me. To live, diligently, consistently, with wisdom.

And order.

Thoughts on work/life balance, "ambition," SAHMhood, and family-focused policy

At the recent BYU Women in Business Conference I attended (and helped plan), we had a lively presentation and discussion on work/life balance issues. This was a unique gathering, because these issues were discussed in context of doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 


Our motivation (as a advisory committee) for tackling this topic was centered in a comment given in a General Conference talk by Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: 

I would hope that Latter-day Saints would be at the forefront in creating an environment in the workplace that is more receptive and accommodating to both women and men in their responsibilities as parents.

Chrysula Winegar was one of the presenters that evening. She is a work/life balance coach and advocate, as well as a passionate advocate for mothers the world over. 


In a recent post on her blog, she asks a question of one of her commenters, and I had thoughts that ended up being too long for a comment. So I'm posting them here. 


Chrysula asks: "Have you found you are actually able to enjoy this season [of motherhood, out of the workforce]? Or is the weight of knowing how hard it will be to "recover" professionally niggling in the background? I'd be curious, if you're comfortable, in learning more..."

Can I answer this question? I may be an anomaly on this, but this isn't something that bothers me. It never has. Maybe it's because I've been deliberate about keeping my toe in the professional puddle over the years (even while not being paid for my activities for over a decade); maybe it's because we aren't in dire straits needing money (which I realize is something that could change, and something I shouldn't take for granted and something that is itself an anomaly); maybe it's because I'm oblivious to how hard it really could be to re-enter, but I just don't feel it. 

If anything, in fact, the older I get, the less desire I have to re-enter the workforce per se. I feel the tug of my family roles to be stronger than ever (it only seems to get stronger as my kids get older -- I feel the need to be more focused, more deliberate in these roles than ever before). I also feel any other use of my skills is supposed to be outside of the workforce. 

BUT, that's not to say that I don't care about this issue in general, though, because I know that we have a lot of women who need to work and need to not feel decimated because they choose to stay home. We need more policy that allow a husband and wife options to work together in ways that work for their family. But I think some of what needs to happen is more valuing, in general in our culture, of a variety of contributions that people make outside of the realm of work, not only by corporations, but by individuals. [Chrysula gets to some of this in her post. I don't think she would disagree with me.]

But back to my point about what our culture often values. Consider, for example, the kind of voices that work against change toward more valuing of more than just work. This is a recent and much-discussed comment by Sheryl Sandberg: "I think the achievement gap is caused by a lot of things. It’s caused by institutional barriers and all kinds of stuff. But there’s also a really big ambition gap. If you survey men and women in college today in this country, the men are more ambitious than the women. And until women are as ambitious as men, they’re not going to achieve as much as men ...I really think we need more women to lean into their careers and to be really dedicated to staying in the work force." 

Even while women have been at the forefront of pressing for more flex-time, etc., I also think it's often women who are also at the forefront of actually encouraging the embedding of hierarchical-corporate-ladder, kill-yourself-to-earn-your-place models...while, again, placing little to no value on the daily work of parents in their homes, of people in their communities and churches [things Chrysula lists in her post].

And so, the pressure on corporations continues to often maintain this "ambition" model to be "progressive" and "PC" and they continue to just try to more "equally" fill the rungs of the ladder. Because in reality, that is how many people measure the success of such efforts such as "equality." Or personal success. 


And it's the women who are often the ones most quickly accusing women like me of doing women and the quest for equality damage by not working. (Either that or claiming that we aren't truly being partners to our husbands if we don't have an income. Again, the measure of worth, of contribution, of value, of success, is often only measured by for-pay work, rather than seen in a larger context, valuing contributions that people can make -- especially in their families -- that are essential to the well-being of society. As a side note, here's some food for thought: One woman's response to such sentiments.) 

I'm grateful for the people who are willing to take the risks necessary to communicate to corporations (by challenging the ladder model, if not getting off the ladder altogether) that they want something different, a different mindset for work. They want work as a means, not an end, as a part of their life, not their entire world. As Chrysula notes, they work to define their world according to their values, whenever possible. They want not only the ladder leaning against a different wall, but to get rid of the ladder altogether and think about corporate culture, structure, rewards -- the whole kit and kaboodle - in a different way...in a way that wants to be part of a healthier overall culture that facilitates family life, not competes against it.  

(On a more personal, religious p.s.: While I'm a fan of talking about facilitating family-friendly policy, sometimes I worry that the discussion will miss the family part, the second part of Elder Cook's invitation. I'm reminded of the Proclamation to the World on the Family, which invites "responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society." The niggling fear I do have lingering in the background is that some will process work/family policy as existing primarily to facilitate adult lives and dreams and goals, rather than to support the doctrine of the family, which still keeps the bearing and rearing of children at the pinnacle of personal responsibility and, for lack of a better word, "success" (for those who have this opportunity, of course). This is some of what I mean by seeing work not as an end, but as a means to an end.)