Sunday, April 27, 2014

An Easter Epiphany

I just finished the grueling process of working on a grant. In eight days, I put in about 100 hours. It was a figurative blood, sweat, and tears kind of effort. I can't say I ever want to do it again, to tell you the truth. (Not really realistic since I do work for a non-profit. Ahem.)

But I will say it was an amazing experience for me, for many reasons. There were so many miracles. Doors were opened. We connected with amazing people and moved forward in ways that we might never have been able to move forward had we not attempted this crazy feat of doing a $3M grant in less than three weeks.

There is much I want to record about what we are doing (whether or not the grant comes through it's forward ho!) but today, I wanted to write the simple, powerful a-ha! moment I had a few days before Easter.

In the short span of these intense weeks, I was able to see a little more what happens with grant money and all the amazing things people are doing just because they care. I also feel like I caught a glimpse of how. much. money. it takes to just try to make even a dent in any particular problem. Pouring over research papers, I was reminded how focused change efforts usually are, only touching on the narrowest of issues and related measures. Change is hard and hard-won, and even when change is "successful," by mortal indicators, the weight of all that is left undone is staggering.

Usually, thinking of the smallness of our potential impact and the realization of how broken our mortal world really is would leave me feeling discouraged and overwhelmed. And sometimes it can leave me wondering why why why there is so much brokenness in our existence.

But in the midst of sleepless nights of pouring out all I had for this grant, I felt an appreciation for how broad and wide and deep and eternal and all-encompassing the Atonement really is. A few million dollars may not make much of a dent, but He lets us give what we have in our very limited spheres so we can appreciate a little more the sphere of His infinite influence.

I stand all the more amazed.