Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Book review: Premonition by Luisa Perkins

Deseret Book sent me two books on this last go-around -- one was The Continuous Conversion, which I reviewed in my last post. The other was a book called The Book of Jer3miah:Premonition by Luisa M. Perkins

My 14-year-old was the one who agreed to read and review this book. As is his modus operandi, he devoured the book in a matter of a few hours. This is his honest review. It contains spoiler alerts, so you've been warned. 
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I was asked by Deseret Book to review this book to get a different perspective and at my moms urging. I am quite torn with this book. The character development, the plot, the dialogue, everything was great. But after awhile a few things about it started to bother me. Throughout the book, the main character Jeremiah receives a lot of promptings. Often these promptings are in the form of words which was a little disconcerting because I know first hand the majority of promptings are not that way. 
Another thing was that it threw around many different and sacred truths that really probably shouldn’t be shared. These are not secret but sacred and I think that it toed the line. The best example of this is towards the end of the book, Jeremiah found out he is the son of one of the Three Nephites. My first thought was: Really? In my opinion, that was unnecessary and just not very tactful. I thought that they also put the Mormon references on a little too thick. Things like Relief Society, FHE, and Ward Prayer. Not that they are bad, but it is a little blatant for me. 

The final thing that was hard to accept was the extreme that these promptings took. At one point, Jeremiah is prompted to kill an assassin. He does, but with large reservations. While that did happen in the Book of Mormon, having it be part of our lives is a little much for me.

This would have been a book that I had nothing but praise for if it just didn’t have the sacred references and other things. If that sort of thing doesn’t bother you, read it and thoroughly enjoy it. But if blatant Mormon terms are something that you are not prepared for, please don’t read this book. Choose what you all will but I will not be reading this again or the second if it comes out.

-A fourteen year old

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The Continuous Conversion

Deseret Book gave me a copy of Brad Wilcox's The Continuous Conversion to read and review. I am grateful for the opportunity I had to read this book. Following are some of my thoughts about it.

The Continuous Conversion, by Brad Wilcox, was a book that came to my mailbox at a good time, a time when I needed some of what he had to share. This is the second of Brother Wilcox's books about the Atonement, the first being a well-known book called The Continuous Atonement. There are few topics I'm more hungry to ponder and read about than the Atonement, and Brother Wilcox again has put his heart into helping Church members and friends of other faiths understand more about what the Atonement can mean in our lives as we come to understand and apply it more.

As is always the case, words can often fall short on such a topic, but there are some powerful words in this book. Many of them for me came in couplets, both ones that Brother Wilcox created and also those he shared from other wise people. An obvious benefit of such a literary tool is that they are easier to remember. Here are a few I liked:

"We are not earning heaven. We are learning heaven.... We are not paying our way into heaven. We are practicing for it" (p. 16).
From Bruce Hafen: "The truth is not that we must make it on our own but that he will make us his own" (p. 92)
From Elaine Dalton: "Our covenants not only define us, they refine us" (p. 95).

I'll just say from the get-go that I would not recommend reading this book quickly. It's the kind of book to pick up and read a little at a time. Each chapter to me almost seems like a self-contained essay, and I'd almost treat each chapter as such. (They didn't always feel connected to me, in fact, but each chapter had a deliberate and important focus and could relate back to his theme of conversion.)

Because I was reading for a review deadline, I didn't have the luxury of taking my time, but there were times when had anyone been sitting next to me, they would have heard a sharp intake of breath or seen some tears forming as a thought resonated with my spirit.

The message that most resonated with me -- one that showed up repeatedly in the book -- was the idea that conversion is a process. We hear that a lot, I know, but it's something I don't think I can ever tire of hearing. As a recovering perfectionist, I struggle against discouragement all. the. time. It was good to be reminded that it's the plan for it to be a "Mighty Slow Change" as one of the chapters declares.

A couplet summarizes this message well: "True conversion is not instantaneous. It is continuous." One day at a time really is a wise way to live.

Other things that I liked about this book:

- Personal stories. He tells a few from his own life (the one from his mission on pp. 27-29) and shares many from various other people. It's clear he's sought a lot of input and has a desire to involve people in his writing projects. To me, there are few things more powerful than personal narrative.

- A good mix of quotes. Brother Wilcox doesn't overuse them, but has enough to provide multiple perspectives and meaningful repetition of important principles. Again, it's clear that he did a lot of research and put a lot of thought into his writing.

- Dispelling some doctrinal myths. I thought he did a nice job addressing some topics like the notion of "binding" God (see Doctrine and Covenants 82:10) [we don't bind Him by faith to get what we want, we learn by faith to accept His will -- He is the Giver of blessings and cannot be bought out by our efforts. Again, we don't earn heaven. I loved the image in a later chapter of ladders vs. train tracks [one calling isn't more important than another; our worth is not determined by what we do; we don't move 'up' we simply move around]. And even as his chapter on wide-awake discipleship felt a little overzealous to me (see below), in that chapter he hit some important topics head-on, such as rules vs. religion, obedience and sacrifice vs. consecration, testimony vs conversion, and cultural Mormonism vs. "the soul-transforming fulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ." I think these are important things to have on the table as we ponder what it means to really be converted to Christ.

-Exploring a variety of gospel topics. They are too numerous to list here, but he covers a lot in not very much space. The restored gospel is such a blessing, and there is no question about how he feels about that blessing and all the wonderful facets that can impact our lives (prophets, the Book of Mormon, ordinances/the temple, the Spirit, callings...the list goes on).

Since I think good reviews usually include some gentle feedback/criticism, here are some things I didn't love about the book. (I hope this is gentle enough.)

- A few of the examples/stories felt a little strained to me, like he was wanting to make them illustrate his ideas, rather than just letting the stories speak for themselves. (I'm often guilty of overinterpreting stories, so I'm one to talk!)

- Sometimes the book took on a bit of a preachy/critical tone in my mind. (Again I'm one to talk. I've been so guilty of being preachy so often in my life; maybe that's why I'm sensitive to it in this case?) For example, the chapter on zeal almost seemed to undermine his declared core purpose -- to help people not give up. To be totally honest, I've been in that place of feeling like giving up too many times, and hearing that I should have more zeal has often been exactly the wrong thing for my spirit. Perhaps others would resonate with a little bit of a kick in the pants, so I can only speak for myself there, perhaps. But somewhere in my gut I feel that so often the change from cultural to converted Mormon is exactly where grace really does have to step. I'm not convinced we can work and zeal our way through those kinds of transitions.

- Along those lines, a few of the examples seemed to seek to illustrate when someone was "doing it wrong" and that left me feeling a little uncomfortable. I guess I've just seen too many people come to themselves through the loving invitations of a God who never gives up and the lessons that life tends to teach to be too comfortable with such examples being used too often. I've been guilty of this too often in my life, so again, it could just be my personal weakness and sensitivity showing through, but I would have preferred more  positive examples in this context of teaching the hope of the Atonement.

- I didn't love the temple chapters, which is kind of surprising given how much I love pondering the temple. It almost felt like they were a bit (I don't know?) out of place or even forced, even as I understand how important the temple is to our conversion. (!!) I felt like he was trying to cram a lot of *information* about the temple that I think is best sought out and understood through personal study and revelation. (The talk I would recommend for such study is this one.) I think given the tone and focus of the book, I would have liked to hear more personal narratives about how the temple has helped bring change in people's lives vs. trying to explain academically (albeit a bit obliquely) about the rituals.

All in all, though, I would definitely recommend this book. I think the Spirit can always help an individual find the words and ideas that would be relevant and meaningful and personally applicable for that person. No author -- not even our authorized servants -- can capture the magnitude, depth, and breadth of the Atonement, but I think the more we talk about it and share experiences with our Savior's healing power, the more we can learn and feel out what the Atonement really can mean in our lives. The wonder of these truths that Brother Wilcox teaches is that God is there all along the way to help us learn heaven as we seek His help, and look and reach for His hand.

I am grateful for Brother Wilcox's zeal about the Atonement and his desires to help others feel its power and do all they can to reap and enjoy its blessings -- not only eternally but now as we walk our mortal journey.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Strength in Weakness

This will be a bit of a rambly post, probably because I still feel a small war within myself. I vacillate between wanting to share and hiding my name forever from an essay I recently wrote. I don't want people to feel pity for me, for one thing. We ALL have our stuff, and I don't want to make it sound as though I am a special case. I know I'm not.

That said, I also hope not to be seen only through the lens of my weakness. Although I know we are getting better about understanding mental illness, I still feel the stigma and even with myself it's hard not to see myself only based on my fallen, natural self.

But that's the rub, and that's why I want to share what I wrote. Because God is teaching me otherwise in ways that no human words could ever teach me, and I want to give Him glory for what He is working in my life. The real me is not my weakness and ultimately, you can't understand me without understanding some of my weakness and how God is teaching me through it. And so I have decided to share some of my weakness in hopes to give the testimony I seek to share some context.

Some of you know that I took a break from my online stuff for a month last fall. It wasn't just a noble technology fast (and it wasn't a complete fast -- it was a nuanced break...too much to explain here). It was a sacred something between me and God. It's hard to capture all the layers, and it's impossible to do so in one essay, but some of the miracles that unfolded in the months that followed that break are recorded. I want it to be part of my chronicle of life.

Even as my mental and physical illnesses remain, I know God's healing power is real. Even if it comes in ways we don't expect.

I'm not quite to the point of consistently glorying in weakness as Paul did, but I've tasted a little of what he meant. I also understand more of what Elder Bednar recently talked about. If you haven't had a chance to listen to his CES devotional address, I encourage it. It's so profound. I love Elder Bednar. I also miss Elder Maxwell something awful. For me, it was as though he was talking through or with Elder Bednar...that somehow Elder Bednar is carrying Elder Maxwell's message about discipleship forward in a clear and powerful way. I was moved when he mentioned that he had filled Elder Maxwell's vacancy. In this talk, that felt significant to me.

Anyway, here's Elder Bednar's talk.

Monday, February 4, 2013


Note: It is not my usual MO to engage in speculative theological discussion, but I wanted to get my thoughts out on this one. They are still rough thoughts...just percolating right now after reading an article tonight.

The topic of Heavenly Mother is a tender one for many women. After all, if motherhood is so critical in God's plan for His children, why do we not hear more about Her role?

I have to confess that although I understand this longing, I share the feelings of Patricia Holland who wrote,

"I have never questioned why our mother in heaven seems veiled to us, for I believe the Lord has his reasons for revealing as little as he has on that subject."

I hear some of my sisters decrying such an attitude, as though not questioning, not demanding more knowledge from and through our leaders, is wrong -- that it is somehow holding us back.

I confess that I do not share this belief, either. There is something about clamoring for more knowledge about Her that has never felt right to me.

Now it's very possible that I am wrong about this, that perhaps people like me are holding back some marvelous revelation. But I also believe what Sister Holland said:

"I believe we know much more about our eternal nature than we think we do; and it is our sacred obligation to express our knowledge, to teach it to our young sisters and daughters, and in so doing to strengthen their faith and help them through the counterfeit confusions of these difficult latter days."

You can read more about what she means by scriptural patterns. I have taken this challenge to heart. For example, I read the Book of Mormon twice, all the way through, looking ONLY for patterns that related to or included women. I took a colored pencil to my scriptures and found something on nearly every page (if not every page) of that holy book.

It will be hard to convince me that we as women are somehow deprived or mistreated or ignored or disrespected by not hearing more. Do we have to work for insight? Absolutely. But I wouldn't expect otherwise from a God who commands us to ask, seek, and knock. The more I seek, the more I find that fills my soul with joy and excitement and conviction about His holy work and how critical, valued, and known women are to God and our Savior.

Tonight, another layer to my thoughts was triggered by an article my friend sent me. This article left me feeling even more strongly that perhaps there could be significant, divine reasons for what we do and do not know and focus on in our doctrinal discourse.

I'm going to switch around the order of a couple of comments in the article for emphasis.

"Jim Sheridan—director of the academy-award-winning “In the Name of the Father”—once stated, “'If you want to destroy a society, remove the fathers.'”

My kids and I have become fans of a few movies created by Sherwood Pictures, a movie-making arm of a Christian congregation in Georgia. One of these films, called Courageous, addresses head-on the societal problem of fatherlessness (and, more importantly, the doctrinal significance of noble, righteous fatherhood to Christians). Another article (a review of the movie that I just grabbed off of Google) summarizes some of those problems:

“Children living without their biological fathers, on average, are more likely to be poor and to have educational, health, emotional and psychological problems, to suffer child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior, than peers living with their married, biological mother and father.
“Fatherless homes produce: 63 percent of youth suicides (Bureau of the Census); 90 percent of all homeless and runaway children (Center for Disease Control); and 85 percent of all children with behavioral disorders (CDC). In a recent survey 7 out of 10 participants agreed that the physical absence of fathers from the home is the most significant family or social problem facing America.”

But then, Kelly O'Connell takes that discussion of the cost of fatherlessness in our society (note that he has boatloads of other stats to mull over) and connects it with the doctrine of the Godhead, which for me was one of those aha kinds of connections (almost in a face palm, "of course!" sort of a way).

"From a purely secular standpoint, the health of a society can be measured by the vitality of fatherhood, according to relevant statistics. More importantly, the health of a society can be best measured from its ability to grasp the concept of God, the Father. For example, a society which merely accepts the God concept without differentiating between the elements of the Trinity is devolving towards paganism....
"[I]f one views the Father as an essential element of the Christian godhead—as Christ apparently did when he delivered the Lord’s Prayer: Our Father Who Art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name…(Matthew 6:9-13)—then to attack Fatherhood is to reject God."

I think the combination of the connection I felt with the movie Courageous (it's presents a Christian version of the Proclamation on the Family) and the focus in the new youth curriculum on the doctrine of the Godhead made this article stick out to me. Oh, how we need good fathers in our world! And oh, how we need more knowledge of our Eternal Father, and His Son and the role of the Spirit in helping us orient toward Home. And of course, what better way to have men understand fatherhood than to understand their eternal Father.

This video also seems very relevant. And timely.

This video is a perfect example of what I mean. I have heard people clamoring for a parallel video that is about earthly motherhood and Heavenly Mother. Again, while I sympathize with the desire, it doesn't feel right to me. I believe our prophets are inspired. I think we need to focus on the Godhead for a reason. I believe our Father's plan put Christ at the center for a reason. I believe Christ then pointed back to Father for a reason.

And of course this is my own personal opinion, but I cannot believe that our Mother is somewhere out there clamoring for anything different than that.

I have more thoughts on this topic, but that's all for now.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Book of Remembrance and Lego Robots

Tonight, the kids and I went through the book of remembrance that my mom put together of the early years of my life. Some of you may be old enough to remember the long size of papers that family history records used to be kept on. My book of remembrance is that long length, with yellowing rubber cement and old photo corners to boot. I may switch it over someday, but there is something rather endearing to me to have the record in the original book, with my mom's handwriting and all.

I'm grateful that my mom took the time to record some of the early milestones of my life and organized some photos from my childhood. I also have my baby blessing and confirmation blessings typed up (some of you are old enough to remember when it was ok to record such blessings). I also have school photos from elementary school, and a report card from the first grade. (My daughter got a kick out of the fact that it said "pupil" progress report, rather than "student."

The girls decided they wanted to do Lego Robots as well. I'd ordered some more blocks (we cheat and use an off-brand because I'm cheap) and so we dumped out all that we had and started at it.

I kept whispering, "The battery compartment is the most important part" to the point that it became a joke. But it is, you see. I couldn't remember exactly how my sister and I would make our robots, but I do remember the battery compartment, and the box we made for extra batteries.

It took longer than I thought it would to try to recreate my Lego robot. I couldn't remember what I had done for the face (all I could really remember was how important the battery compartment was!). My girls made their own adaptations: extra fuel chambers in the arms and an attachable battery box and remote control on one, and buttons (one for flying and one that will make it burst into flames) and voice activation sensors on the other. (We are still not sure why one of the buttons would allow the robot to burst into flames, but there you go.) Apparently, the battery box on #2's project will have a hinged lid. Bedtime is seriously being threatened however, so we will see if she actually is able to finish all of her advanced adaptations.

I had considered also playing some of the 80s music that I used to listen to all the time, but tonight, it was Jericho Road, one of the girls' favorite new CDs.

Pictures to come....