Things have been so crazy the past few weeks. And I have felt so LOUSY. I had a headache so deep and penetrating tonight that I was afraid I might pass out or have a stroke or something. But I couldn't because I had something pretty important to do -- something for which I had to be "on point." But, I can't get myself revved up for my day-to-day stuff. Adrenaline does wonders for the way I feel (as long as I can keep headaches in check). But it's hard to feel adrenaline in the day-to-day. It's hard to be mom and all of that when I feel so sloggy. And that doesn't do much for the emotional side of me, either. I think maybe I need to find some fun things to do to inject some life into my life. My poor little friends. At least they are enjoying time together, time reading, and time playing with friends. Someday I hope to pull it together enough so that we can have more regular, deliberate "time with Mom" kinds of things. They are growing up waaaaay too fast for me to go on slogging through each day. Sigh.
Something interesting, however....I realized tonight that although I am leaping from one fire to the next, I don't feel wound up. I don't feel stressed. I am exhausted (and did I mention that I feel lousy?) but I feel numbly peaceful. Not happy-peaceful. But not stressed out of my skull, which, given what has been on and is on my plate, I really should be.
I can be grateful for small things.