The last few months have been hard. It's interesting how my ability to cope with my chronic illness comes in waves. I think I go through stages of the grieving cycle over and over again. Different things can trigger the process.
But times like these leave me searching more fervently in my life for the hand of God, for His tender mercies. I find that I can cope better with the hard times when I can know and feel that God is aware of me and my life.
I wanted to record a few of those times I have recently had.
- I was well enough to enjoy a delightful little getaway with my hubby (more on that to come). (This is more than just a small miracle.)
- Our kids stayed well until pretty much the minute we got home.
- Hubby and #2 stayed well and were able to go to Washington D.C. (together with #3, who was one of the two who got sick originally).
- While hubby and #2 and #3 were out of town, #1 and I have had wonderful, one-on-one time together. (I have never had such concentrated time with my son!)
- We had a tender mercy when my son slept in last week on Sunday. We had stayed up late the night before talking (awesome). He was going to find someone with whom he could attend church (I attend a different ward that meets later, what with my weird sleep issues and all). But he fell back to sleep, so he ended up coming with me. Nevermind enjoying sacrament meeting with him (I'm usually alone so that was a treat), but the Relief Society fifth Sunday lesson was a combined lesson with the young men! So I got to sit by my son in Relief Society. (In over two decades of Relief Society attendance, I've never seen that done. I liked it.) What are the odds of that? Wow.
- A few weeks ago, I hit a pretty bad "low." (It was on Mother's Day weekend, but not Mother's Day driven.) I went to church so weighed down, so weary. The night before, I'd had one of those prayers pleading for strength, for something to help me feel a little more connected to heaven, on that heavenly radar screen as I like to say it. I went home between sacrament meeting and Sunday School to take meds (antibiotics). I came back to find my usual class full, so I slipped into the back of the other class.
And wouldn't you know it? The second I sat down (I'm not exaggerating), the teacher quoted something that really felt just for me. It blew me away. That day, there were also a string of simple kindnesses shown by people that helped me feel God's love. (It's a reminder that little things really can make a difference.)
I was grateful for my mother-in-law who recently shared some of the tender mercy moments she has noticed as well. I felt the Spirit so strongly as she shared.
God is real. He is there. We just need to pray for eyes to see.