Because I have some chronic health issues, I was in isolation during COVID for a very long time. I wasn’t bored during that time, however. The nonprofit work I had done in the Digital Wellness and Media Literacy space was being rekindled after the film The Social Dilemma was released into the world.
The film reached into 190 countries and engaged over 100 million viewers (Center for Humane Technology, n.d.). Whether people liked the film or didn’t like it, The Social Dilemma made a big splash and got people talking about the inhumane design of social media apps and other technology tools. It refueled the nonprofit work I had been doing for several years.
Right about the time the film was released, a colleague of mine reached out to let me know about a Digital Wellness certification program (through the Digital Wellness Institute) that was about to launch its second cohort. My boss and I decided to enroll in the training, and over a course of several weeks (and hours upon hours of learning, study, and writing), I became a Certified Digital Wellness Educator.
Because of that training, I redirected some of my energy into providing parent-focused learning community experiences. We continued with our collaboration-driven approach to social impact, interfacing with organizations that supported parents, such as the parent-teacher organization in the United States called PTA (Parent Teacher Association). Parents were coming with a need for support in helping their children navigate our complex digital and media-saturated world.
But instead of making the children the focus of our discussions, we started by helping the parents “put on their own oxygen masks,” if you will. Just as adults are instructed to do this on airplanes, we felt strongly that parents need to learn how to be intentional with their own digital use, not only to teach their children healthy principles, but to ensure that they are modeling healthy digital use. After all, children and teens are known to complain about how their parents are on their phones or computers too much – and those of us who are parents know that they are not wrong to call us out!
We invited parents to consider their own digital use to see if it actually aligned with the type of person and parent they wanted to be, and the ways they wanted to show up in their lives, their relationships, and their spheres of influence (both on- and offline). Of course, parents who were attending obviously cared about their parenting, or they wouldn’t have devoted this time to learning and growing together.
Ever since, to help parents reflect on these kinds of questions, there are two resources that I feel are powerful teaching tools. One is a video describing some important social science research that was conducted by Dr. Edward Tronick in the late 1970s. This was at a time when infants weren’t really social creatures, yet. His research, called “The Still Face Experiment” expanded our understanding of the social intelligence and sensitivity that these little ones actually have.
I also share a version of this summary video with participants. If this was wisdom that was relevant in the early 2000s, before cell phones were so prevalent in our world, consider how salient Morrison’s wisdom is today – for parents and for all of us – all the more so where loneliness and disconnection are being considered public health issues.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaiXi8KyzOQ
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I was a very new mother when this interview took place. My two little children were around 2 and 1, and during this time (as is the case for any mother of little ones), I was always tired and always felt like I “wasn’t getting anything done” in practical, checklist terms.
I should note that it was not a small adjustment for me to transition from the workaday world. I had pursued two degrees, spent nearly 18 months in Argentina serving as a missionary for my church, and had moved to New Jersey after graduate school to work as a business process consultant in the telecommunications industry. I had ached to be a mother for years, but didn’t meet my husband until my late twenties, so when my first was born, I made the deliberate decision to quit my job to be a full-time momma. Even though I had been waiting for this blessing for years, it didn’t mean it was easy to adjust to the extremely different pace and rhythm of life. And it was difficult to feel like I could measure what it meant to be “successful” at this new role.
Fast forward a couple of decades. I had created the Digital Wellness discussion series, including the resources mentioned here. I was also in isolation because of COVID (due to chronic health issues). Writing poetry was one of the ways I made it through that challenging time of being in isolation. One of those poems was about the day (now nearly a quarter century ago) that Toni Morrison’s wisdom settled into my momma heart and mind – and changed my life forever.
I still seek to practice this principle even as my children are now adults and this little curly-haired princess is now a mother of her own two little ones. I seek to practice it with all my loved ones – and even with strangers. I even seek to practice having my face light up when I interact with people online. It’s so hard to feel seen through text on a screen. But with some effort, we can bring a lift and a lilt and a smile to our words – whether through word choice or the strategic use of grammar and punctuation – or even through the use of emojis.
Because I don’t just think it is the infants and the little ones who need to the faces of people around them light up. I believe being intentional about how we engage others is one way we could each practice honoring the humanity in the people around us and offering hope in a world where division and disrespect are too much the norm. Technology continues to risk dehumanizing our existence. It is up to us to do the little and big things to improve, elevate, and preserve what it means to be human – and humane. To preserve our humanity.
"Does your face light up?"
I can still see,
hear her
little feet padding their way
to the kitchen after her naptime
(time so short and precious
for weary momma)
here, then, her
Precious-Moments
(still-bleary) eyes,
curly-messy hair,
arms full
carrying comfy
smileyface sheet.
Did she see
bleary eyes
or face, lips
lift, shift?
Hear
breath speak
her name, find
empty arms open,
mind open,
full heart,
open?
me, ready
to receive
her here, ready
to be with me
held by me,
seen by me?
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